A Few Headlines That Could Hit Newspapers In 2025

HEADLINES DATED 1ST JAN 2025

· President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive the Italian Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi

· Dhoom 17 ready for release.

· I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar

· Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage.

· "Mein To Ab Bhi Jawaan Hoon" - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan and Madhuri Dixit.

· After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom".

· Petrol Rs. 999/- per litre.

· Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs.

· Coach Ganguly resigns as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea.

· Navjot S Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host & the Guest too.

· Riots in Parliament as newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat & Rakhi Sawant enter the assembly.

· Maruti launches its new Hovercraft 'SX-25'. Honda, Toyota & Tata to follow.

· A cap found in Mithi river. Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya.........

Kiss 'n' Slap........................

George Bush, Manmohan Singh, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia Gandhi are travelling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.

Doubt About Mahabharatha.........

In a remote village school in India, the teacher was telling the Mahabharata story to the 6th class students. She is at the Krishna's birth part of it.

Teacher: "Kamsa heard from the skies that his sister's 8th child was going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudeva and Devaki behind bars. First son is born, and Kamsa killed him by poisoning... Second one was born, and Kamsa threw him off the mountain peak. Third one was born.............
Ramu: I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).
Teacher: "Ramu, my dear! The whole of India doesn't have any doubt in Mahabharata, then how come you have one?"
Ramu: Teacher, if Kamsa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him, why the hell did he put Vasudeva and Devaki in the same cell?

The teacher fainted!!!!!

Pappu The Great...................

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !

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TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of " COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

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PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get this MUMMY then?

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TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

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TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !

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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

Santa - Banta Jokes...........

Santa for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
He replaced friend with father in the essay and it read: I AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOR.
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Interviewer : What's ur qualification?
Banta : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewer : What do u mean by Ph.d?
Banta : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY...
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Prince Charles & Banta were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".

Banta thinks "How poetic".

Banta says, "Pass the custard you bastard".
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Preeto was about to give birth to a baby.
Santa: If it looks like you, it would be great.
Preeto : If it looks like you, it would be a miracle.

Funeral Procession Of A Sardar!

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat.

So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?"

Comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!"

Bin Laden Emails Bush.............

Osama Bin Laden himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: "370HSSV-0773H"
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Cond'za Rice. Mrs.Rice and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

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Newton's Laws Of Romance........

Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

Second law:
"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

Third law:
"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap."

7 Amazing Holes On Earth!!!!

A Sink Hole in Guatemala

I'm pretty sure most people have seen this one. It's an absolute beast and holds the title of largest open diamond mines in the world. At 525 meters deep, with a top diameter of 1200 meters, there's even a no-fly zone above the hole due to a few helicopters having been sucked in.

Another Sink Hole in Guatemala.

These photos are of a sinkhole that occurred early this year in Guatemala . The hole swallowed a dozen homes and killed at least 3 people.

A Hole in Guatemala

The mine is so huge and the area so remote that it has its own airport with a runway large enough to accommodate a Boeing 737. It looks equally cool when the surrounding water is frozen.

Mirny Diamond Mine, Serbia

This is supposedly the largest man-made excavation on earth. Extraction began in 1863 and still continues today, the pit increasing in size constantly. In its current state the hole is ? miles deep and 2.5 miles wide.


The Bingham Canyon Mine, Utah

Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world,this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed in 1914.


The Diavik Mine in Canada

This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize. There are numerous blue holes around the world, but none as stunning as this one.

The Great Blue Hole, Belize.

This is the 'Glory Hole' at Monticello dam, and it's the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second.

What A Test Mate??

One night 4 college students were playing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back
and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in Separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name.........................(2 MARKS)
Q.2. which tyre burst................ (98 MARKS)

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right.....!!!

Go To schooooooool.............

MOM: wake up,wake up son... itz time to go to school.
SON: but why mama? i dont want to go to school.
MOM: ok dear, but give me two reazonz why u dont want to go to school.
SON: one all, the children hate me. second, all the teacherz hate me.
MOM: oh boi thatz not a reazon. come on, u hav to go to school.
SON: give me two gud reazonz WHY i SHOULD go to school?
MOM: one u are fifty-two years old and should understand your responsibilities & secondly u are the PRINCIPAL of the school.... .

Munna Bhai MBBS Jokes!!

PROFESSOR: Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI: Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
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CIRCUIT: Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI: Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT: Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI: Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT: Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
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CIRCUIT: Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI: Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT: Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
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MUNNA BHAI: Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI: Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
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Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN: What is this?
CIRCUIT: Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN: What is this?
CIRCUIT: Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN: What is that?
CIRCUIT: Air India
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PRINCIPAL : Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI : Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu!!!

Smart Answers To Some Stupid Questions

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me....

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book.

A drunk was hauled into court.
Mister,the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking..
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?

Why You Couldn't Get Your Salary Increased?

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying:

My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e . 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year.
Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming for?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Spoken English Of An English Lecturer.

This Is How An English Lecturer In A Rural College Speaks.....

Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves, I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor.
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum.
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big)
Girls should wear only slawar no nitee.
Girls should not wear T sirt , U shirt, V shirt.. but if you want to wear .... remove it when inside the campus and put it oout side the campus.

All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs please come here).

Family Problems

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages...I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems.. Gimme a break man!!"

Great Indian Cricket Jokes..............

What's Happening On The Field Guyzz??

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Indian Innings.

Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.

When would Agarkar have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling.

What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.

How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.

What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls

What is the height of optimism ?
Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

A Phone Call For Sehwag.

Indian Team Manager : "Hello"(over Phone).
Wife :"Can I talk to Sehwag, this is his wife."
Indian Team Manager:"Sorry, he is just going to bat"
Wife:"No Problem Manager, I will Hold on".

Court 'n' Cricket

DIVORCE COURT SCENE :
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your
mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!

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The Shortest Ever Love Story.

A Husband's Poem 4 His Wife.

I wrote your name on sand it got washed away.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you????

Computer Shaayari.

Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: "Your file not found"!

Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if"
Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif.

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't like your face
Par dil ke computer mein, nahin hai enough disk space.

Main tumhein pyaar kyun karoon,tum nahi ho Ash,
Phir bhi tumhe dekh kar mera, system hota hai crash.

Jo sadiyon se hota aaya hai...woh repeat kar doonga
Tu naa mili to tujhe....Shift delete kar doonga.

Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain...aur lonely hain
Problem hai ki bus voh...read only hain.

Shayad mere pyar ko taste...karna bhool gaye
Dil ko aisa cut kiya...ke paste karna bhool gaye.

Woh samajhte hain dil tod diya to hum dead hain
Woh nahin jaante ki is dil main aur kitne thread hain.

Tumhare samne hain itne sample... kabhi hamein bhi pick karo
Hamare pyar ke icon pe....kabhi to click karo.

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The Mummy - An Excellent Joke.

Santa and Banta, two sardars visited Egypt and had a chance to see the Pyramids. The guide took them inside a Pyramid and showed them a Mummy. Santa and Banta looked at the Egyptian Mummy and started a conversation:
Santa: Yaar! Look....... so many bandages, pakka truck accident case!!
Banta: Aaho!! Yaar truck number bhi likha hai.
Santa: What?
Banta: BC-1538!!!
Santa: Aaha!!!!

The Birth Place.

Boss : Where were you born?

Sardar : Punjab.

Boss : Which part?
Sardar : Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab.

Sardarji Jokes Continues..........

With Due Apologies To Sardarjis, Here Are Some Ways To Identify Them.
You should be sure the person is sardar when he:

• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shootout.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler(scale) to bed to see how long he slept.
• at the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here", he puts 'Sagittarius'.
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misse the No:44 bus , and takes the 22 bus twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign board that said, "Airport Left", he turns around and goes home.
• gets locked in furniture shop and sleeps on floor.
  

Best Ever Sardarji Jokes !!!!

Santa Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidentally, the photograph fell from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the sari-clad female, standing in front of him, "Can you lift that sari? I want to take a photograph."
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition. Banta started to explain his "Adventure". He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he could stay there for the night. The Owner replied, "I have two grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he could stay there for the night. The Owner replied, "I have three grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He went towards the next house and without taking any risks, asked, "Do you have "grown up" daughters?”
The Owner asked, "WHY?"
Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night."

The Good n The Evil!

Me and my friend Anil in Paanjaalimedu. This is a place of historic importance. Guess what?? This is exactly the place where the 'Pancha Paandavaas' and their wife stayed for a while during their 'Vanavaasa' phase.